Definition of a Conservative.

Recently, whilst brushing up on my geology, I found this definition:

Conservative - A contaminant that moves with the same velocity as water.

"A contaminant" OK, I agree with that. A conservative is a contaminant. "...moves with the same velocity as water." Hmmm..? I've seen water move pretty fast, I'm not so sure about conserv....... Wait, of course, Bill Clinton! Conservatives are always fast to blame their fuck-ups on Bill (and now on George W., because even though they enabled and supported him in all his fuck-ups, now that his numbers are down he is, apparently, no longer a conservative and therefore can be held up to scrutiny and critique). Oh yeah, they are also pretty quick when they try to destroy social safety nets and to lower taxes for the wealthy and big business, lining the pockets of family and friends, and their own pockets, as a result. (Hey, there ain't nothin' wrong with a little taste is there?! Is there??!?).

Yes, I agree with that definition.

David Hicks Luxury

The US prosecutor preparing the case against Australian terrorism suspect David Hicks said he expected the Australian to be charged by the end of the week.
Colonel Mo Davis also denied that Hicks was being held in harsh conditions and rejected claims the Australian was shackled to the floor of his cell in conditions that resembled a Nazi concentration camp.
"I just wanted to make sure that that was bogus, so I called to check on his condition and I'm told everything's fine," he told ABC Radio.

Well that seals it for me, the prosecutor called and they said "Fine man, no problemo.!."

I can just see that bastard Hicks swanning around the crescent shaped pool, sipping upon rare tisanes from the far east and enjoying surf and turf every night as he watches the Simpsons.

Hell, look at the pic, it's like my last holiday in Bangkok. How could anyone possibly think otherwise?

Meh.............

George W Bush, Cocaine, Abortion and Sodomy.

You know the Bible 92%!

Wow! You are awesome! You are a true Biblical scholar, not just a hearer but a personal reader! The books, the characters, the events, the verses - you know it all! You are fantastic!

Ultimate Bible Quiz
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Just did this quiz and as you can see I got 92%, the funny thing is that the last question was "Do you read the bible?" My answer was no, but still the stupid thing congratulates me on reading the silly book. Oh well, you know these christians, they are quite happy to ignore the answers that are in front of them and make up their own reality.

Yes!! It's the Jonnys'

The Mechanical Contrivium is Back!!!

The Mechanical Contrivium

Now that Saddam is dead let's see what the Contrivium has to say about him.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Saddam hussein!

1. US gold coins used to say 'In saddam hussein we trust'.
2. Saddam hussein can't drink - he absorbs water from his surroundings by osmosis.
3. The international dialling code for saddam hussein is 672!
4. In Chinese, the sound 'saddam hussein' means 'bite the wax tadpole'!
5. Neil Armstrong first stepped on saddam hussein with his left foot.
6. If you lick saddam hussein ten times, you will consume one calorie.
7. It is bad luck to walk under saddam hussein!
8. Saddam hussein cannot burp - there is no gravity to separate liquid from gas in his stomach.
9. Scientists have discovered that saddam hussein can smell the presence of autism in children!
10. Donald Duck's middle name is saddam hussein!

Look out Barak Obama...!..., Donald Duck is after your notoriety.

The Preznits Speech.

President George W. Bush lets the American people know what he thinks of their feelings about the war.

Haditha Shows Civvie Deaths Par for the Course. No Care = No Foul.

Marine officers said Chessani, the Marines' battalion commander, informed his superior, the regimental commander, of the civilian casualties the day they occurred and was told by that officer, Col. Stephen W. Davis, that no investigation was needed.

"There was nothing out of the ordinary about any of this, including the number of civilian dead, that would have triggered anything in my mind that was out of the norm," Davis told military investigators, according to a transcript. "There is nothing about this incident that jumped out at any point to us."

WTF? Civilian deaths at U.S. hands is the norm!!??

Glenn Reynolds on Republican Presidents.

"It's as if the only good Republican President is a dead Republican President."

You said it Glenn!!!

Heh, indeed!

Most Outrageous Right Wing Comments of 2006

The wankery of the right. There's a whole raft of jerks in this article that need a good bitch slappin'.

E.g.

CNN Headline News host Glenn Beck to Rep.-elect Keith Ellison, D-Minn.: "OK. No offense, and I know Muslims. I like Muslims. … With that being said, you are a Democrat. You are saying, 'Let's cut and run.' And I have to tell you, I have been nervous about this interview with you, because what I feel like saying is, 'Sir, prove to me that you are not working with our enemies.' " [11/14/06]

George the Bibliophile

George Bush, long noted as an avid reader (hey, his wife is a librarian), has recently finished reading King Leopold's Ghost (We haved to take his word for this but what reason would the President of the United States have to lie?).

Author of said book, Adam Hochschild, has a few questions to put to the Prez.

First, the long effort by King Leopold II of Belgium to bring the Congo under his control was driven by his avid quest for a commodity central to industry and transportation: rubber. Does that remind you of anything? Oil, perhaps?
What's more, the king justified his grab for the Congo's natural resources with much talk about bringing philanthropy and Christianity to darkest Africa. Now what did that remind you of? Democracy to Iraq?
Leopold cleared at least $US1.1 billion ($A1.4 billion) in today's dollars during the 23 years he controlled the Congo, and his business friends made additional huge sums. Much of the money flowed into companies with special royal concession rights to exploit the rain forest.
Final question, for extra credit: Do those companies remind you of anything? If you mentioned Halliburton or DynCorp, you're right again.

Go ahead, read the whole thing.

Say, Homer, do you like nachos?

“Jerry Ford is so dumb that he can't fart and chew gum at the same time.”
Lyndon B. Johnson

US President George Bush and his top advisers made a "big mistake" in their justification for invading Iraq, Gerald Ford told journalist Bob Woodward in an interview embargoed until after the former president's death......

......"I don't think, if I had been president, on the basis of the facts as I saw them publicly, I don't think I would have ordered the Iraq war," Ford said......

......Ford "very strongly" disagreed with the justification for the 2003
invasion of Iraq advocated and carried out by key Bush advisers and veterans of his own administration - Vice President Dick Cheney and former Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld......

......"Rumsfeld and Cheney and the president made a big mistake in
justifying going into the war in Iraq......"

Hmmmm...? Mebbe Jerry weren't so dumb after all.

Jerry's Dead!

Jerry Ford is dead. He was, by most accounts, a nice guy but even nice guys can make fucked-up choices. This pic shows Jerry hard at work with two guys who, unfortunately for Jerry, will be remembered as part of his legacy.

Can you recognize these chaps? Click the link and see if you guessed right.

The resolute face of the Right.

Your 'Do You Want the Terrorists to Win' Score: 98%

You are a terrorist-loving, Bush-bashing, "blame America first"-crowd traitor. You are in league with evil-doers who hate our freedoms. By all counts you are a liberal, and as such cleary desire the terrorists to succeed and impose their harsh theocratic restrictions on us all. You are fit to be hung for treason! Luckily George Bush is tapping your internet connection and is now aware of your thought-crime. Have a nice day.... in Guantanamo!

Do You Want the Terrorists to Win?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

I'm disappointed I only got 98%

What Evah Happened to Gert Jonnys?

In the words of our lord and savior Jesus Christ "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke!"

Leunig

Excelsior!!!!

Why I read the newspaper.

God bless 'em. I love articles like this.

Did Borat split Pam from Kid?
Jano Gibson
November 29, 2006 - 8:26AM

Is Borat to blame for the ex-Baywatch star Pamela Anderson's split from hubby-of-four-months Kid Rock?.....
....."Bob started screaming at Pam, saying she had humiliated herself and telling her, 'You're nothing but a whore! You're a slut! How could you do that movie?' - in front of everyone. It was very embarrassing.

Values added Liberally

Phil is refreshingly shrill

Once upon a time Australia was a terra that was wonderfully nullius. Nobody owned it and nobody lived there apart from a few Aborigines who, as well as having the misfortune to be black, hadn’t bothered to invent writing, the wheel or the Liberal Party. Nor did they speak English or share our wonderful Australian values. So if they were to arrive here now, in their funny canoes, we couldn’t let them in, could we?

Damn straight!!